My thoughts are all over the place. I planned on talking about Christmas and the New Year and all sorts of big, exciting things. But I spent last night waking up screaming from a series of nightmares, and it’s got me all jumbled. The BF is also a little jumbled after being jolted awake by my screams. Way to send 2012 out with a bang, right?
I went back to yoga yesterday after a long three-month hiatus. After a billion chatarangas and a few too long utkatasanas (a.k.a. chair pose, a.k.a. my misery), I was zoning out in child’s pose when our instructor started talking about being in the moment. She had a New Year’s theme, talking about how we make resolutions and spend too much time indulging today with the plan to work out tomorrow. And while an occasional indulgence is no problem — of that I’m a firm believer — it’s still important to be in the moment and be intentional. Stop making plans and just do it, you know?
I thought that was a great lesson, but what really had me thinking this morning was her comment to ‘be in the moment and stop planning.’ Bear with me as I pull all this wandering back together. I remember having a few nightmares when I was a kid, but they really started in earnest about halfway through college. I realized that any stress I try to ignore during waking hours pop up as nightmares in my sleep. (Denial has long been my strongest defense mechanism.) So after a nightmare, I talk it out, trying to cope with whatever stress triggered it, rationalizing the nightmare away. This works great… when the nightmare is triggered by some specific stress.
I spent today’s early morning hours trying to figure out what triggered last night’s bad dreams, and I couldn’t come up with anything. I want to find something so I can deal with it and banish it, but I can’t. And it had me realizing that sometimes, plans don’t work. My standard coping plan isn’t cutting it. So instead I just let it be. I had a couple nightmares, I can’t explain it, it is what it is. I just laid in bed for a few minutes, letting the fear subside and my heart stop pounding while the BF held me, and then I told him about the dreams. Then I got up and made myself a cup of tea and started along my day. There’s nothing else to figure out. No matter how I plan or rationalize, I had some nightmares, and I will have more. Instead of worrying about it, I’ll accept that, and just be.
Now, I don’t know if I can ever stop planning. Most of my control issues manifest in planning everything and needing to know what’s going to happen next. But even if I can’t stop planning, I can at least try to be in the moment and be intentional.
So right now I’m in this moment — a cup of tea, the fire going in the living room, and this here blog. Then I’ll spend the day focusing on my moments as a cook up a bunch of freezer meals to last the next few weeks.
Yes, I just planned to be in the moment. So sue me.
And since I feel like I should share something aside from my personal issues, I’ll go ahead and throw in this recipe for Pineapple Porkchops. The BF made it for dinner the other day. I was quite impressed — it was pretty tasty.
One-Skillet Pineapple Porkchops, adapted from Eating Well
3 Tablespoons apricot jam (or pineapple jam or orange marmalade)
1/2 cup+ pineapple-orange juice, divided*
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
1/2 teaspoon curry powder
4 fresh (or canned) pineapple rings, cut 1/4″thick
2 teaspoons butter
4 boneless pork chops, trimmed
1/2 teaspoon thyme
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon pepper
Combine jam, 3 tablespoons orange juice, ginger, and curry powder in a small bowl; set sauce aside.
Measure 1/3 cup pineapple-orange juice into a measuring cup and set juice aside.
Heat butter in a cast-iron skillet over medium-high heat. Add pork and sprinkle with thyme, salt, and pepper. Immediately turn them and sprinkle the other side as well. Cook the pork until browned, turning occasionally, about 3-4 minutes.
Add the reserved juice to the pan. Reduce heat to medium and continue cooking until pork is cooked through, 2-3 more minutes. Transfer to plates or platter and keep warm.
To the hot pan, add the pineapple slices, reserved sauce, and a little more thyme. Cook until hot and bubbling, stirring constantly, about 1-2 minutes. Spoon the sauce onto the chops and pineapple. Serve with rice.
* Use any combination of orange juice, pineapple juice, or similar juice to reach the necessary amount. If you use canned pineapple, you can use the juice from the can and top it off with orange juice. We used pineapple-strawberry-orange juice, because that’s what we had in the fridge.
Linking up for:
- Honey-Thyme Pork Tenderloin (mix1051.cbslocal.com)
- Beetroot, Pineapple, Orange & Ginger Juice (fat.ie)
- Orange Pineapple Yogurt Smoothie Mix (bestfruitsmoothies.com)